For the Pretty Woman in You--Or For Someone You Care About

I get these sensitive letters from women and men who have been reading my poetry or essays at the magazine over the years and some who've just discovered what I write about here. Some tell about their quests for the right person. Perhaps my writing reminds them of something they used to dream about. Or perhaps they're starting over and want to get going on the right track this time. Some tell about hurts they've experienced in relationships with taker after taker, and how hard they've been looking for a serious relationship with someone who's solid and real, genuinely compassionate and kind.

(These photos are from the trip to Alaska, Copyright D.M. Solis, 2010.)

Here’s a summary of what I tell them. It’s what I’d tell a friend or my own nieces and nephew if I sensed they were looking for something “out there,” when the love and depth they’re hoping to find is as close as their own thoughts and the beating of their own hearts. 

My Dear,

What a time you've had. My life-partner and I hope you will find, as we have, the love of your life one day, when it's right for both of you. Meanwhile, you now have a wonderful opportunity to do the good and meaningful work of coming home, alone, to you. Savor this season, no matter how long it lasts. It will seem very short when you look back on it. This is truly a precious time in your life.
(This looks tiny, but it's actually large enough to step through, although you have to hunch down a bit. Quite a "portal," we discovered, moving through a number of them on this voyage.)

You wrote quite a lot and I want to honor it. So, I hope you won't mind my responding. If you get a minute, you might think of all the energy you've put into giving so much to the "takers" in your life. Now, what if you were to spend that time and thought and caring and giving...on you? This time between relationships can be a sacred, Grace-filled time to compassionately discover the deepest desires of your heart, not just for a relationship, but in terms of the experiences you want to have in this life, and steps you can take to make them real for you. Think about it.

Finally, I believe the message from contemporary stories and movies, like "Pretty Woman" and "Thelma and Louise," is true, "We get what we settle for." Try to reconnect with the child within you. Honor her, cherish her, be her best friend, and never let her settle for someone who will use or be anything less than kind to her again. You seem like a very good person. You're a human being who deserves respect and sincere love in a healthy relationship of mutual giving, sharing, understanding, and care. I hope you will have a beautiful, sweet life, and, as the movie further advises, that you will always “take good care of you.”

With great hopes for your happiness and peace,